Ok peeps, honestly I’m getting tired of this whole Premium Beauty thingy. No offense to those who ‘cari makan’ selling this but it’s really (REALLY) getting annoying.
Maybe the people whom I’ve met have a strange approach of marketing or sales. Maybe they’re just too strong head on. Maybe, just maybe…I don’t need the fucking thing? <—- have you stopped to consider this?
Scenario 1 ( 3 weeks ago at my cousin’s wedding)
After dinner, obviously, my perut dah jadi perut ular sawa lah kan. Dah aku duduk pon hunch semacam. Cuba ko buat skang…after 8 course meal, duduk bahu londeh ke bawah. Tengok, ada perut boncit tak? Ada lah, mesti ada. Yang takde tuh jgn tipu, ko pakai PB kan?
Then this one akak, came to me…all the way from 2 tables kat sebelah. Sanggup tuh mengharungi all the guest yg sibok nak bergambar dengan pengantin. Just to have this fucking conversation with me.
“Dik, akak dari tadi perhatikan adik. Berselera kan adik makan”.
“Oh? Haaa, sedap kan kak shark’s fin soup dia. Selera lah kak, free gak nie” *aku suka je buat lawak bodo*
“Iya sedap memang sedap tapi adik nie akak tengok muda lagi. Makan kena control, kalau tak nanti alamatnya buncit mcm nie” *sambil tunjuk perut aku*
“Kak, lepas makan buncit sket”.
“Akak pon makan banyak tapi takde buncit macam nie. *Jari menuding ke perut aku lagi* Nie akak pakai Premium Beauty, dia macam corsett tau tapi very effective” *pot pet pot pet – tarik kerusi dekatkan diri dgn aku- pot pet pot pet* (Seriously I lost her at “its mean you can eat and this PB akan burns all you fat”).
Itu first scenario.
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Scenario 2 ( last Wednesday at my friend’s new born’s kenduri akikah)
Aku melantak dengan hati gumbira pulut kuning and rendang tok (jangan tanya kenapa menu mcm tuh, dah kawan aku nya mak nak hidangkan itu ok).
My friend’s sister then comes to me and says “Ary hai lama tak jumpa”.
“Oh hi. Haah, been up to lots of stuff lately. So how are you, how’s the family and all?”
“Great lah just great. You know what, dulu kan you tau I chubby kan, now thanks to Premium Beauty, I dah ada balik my ideal body”.
Aku pandang dia atas bawah, atas bawah. Puhleeezeeee sistah! Ideal body ko kata? Aku tengok ko pakai baju kebaya tuh pon dah nak meletops dah kesemua butang. Paling berat badan ko aku bagi 65kg lah and tinggi ko dalam 155cm je. Apa ko kata badan ko ideal??
*pengsan* Tak sedar diri agaknya. Sarung nangka wehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! I could see all 5 layers of fat.
Stop. Before all you PB lovers and supporters out there start to cook up nasty sentences in your head, wait seminit. I’m ok with people being chubby. I’m ok with people being big. What I’m not ok is…org gemuk tak sedar diri nak lecture aku suruh beli PB sebab aku ada tummy padahal diri sendiri mcm tong dram!!
“You pun try lah PB, it is expensive but investment in the long run”.
“Thanks but no thanks. I’m skinny enough” *dan aku berlalu pergi meninggalkan Kak Liana bersama ketulan lemaknya*.
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Scenario 3 (last Sunday – teman Sara jumpa kawan dia. She nak pass birthday present)
Ummi : Sara! Lamanya tak jumpa. Rindulah. Eh you’ve gain some weight. Duduk duduk I nak story pasal my new business.
Sara : *sambil tarik I duduk* Oh stress lah kot. Biasalah stress, mmg byk makan. Business apa nok?
Ummi : Ni ada corset tau namanya PB – which stands for premium beauty. Very good, ada mcm infra red. Then the company so stabil, listed in BSKL and all. Then you can get trips and car allowance. I baru beli Harrier *pot pet pot pet pot pet*
Me : *yawns*
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Scenario 4 (just now during lunch)
Cik Su : Lor dengar ini your last day ek? Ala rugi je akak baru nak cerita pasal ni MLM baru.
Me : Haah last day. MLM apa plak nie kak? MLM 1 je saya layan, Usana je sebab beli utk diri sendirik.
Cik Su : Ish tak perlu Usana semua tu. Ni Premium Beauty ni pakai je, 8 jam sehari dah cukop. Boleh hapuskan stretch marks and bakar lemak at the same time. Pakai 1 bulan dah boleh tgk marks dah fade banyak.
Me : Kak, takpe lah. Mekasih. Saya nie dah tulang kering kak. Pakai PB nanti hilang plak dari muka bumi nie.
Cik Su : Eh eh tak, nie bukan tuk kurus je, utk kesihatan jugak. Utk peredaran darah jugak. Nie kurang sket buncitnya.
Me : Kak, what do you expect? I’m 2 months pregnant and I’m skinny, memang sah-sah nampak buncit.
I also left her just like that. Aku malas layan ok.
Nie aku nak tanya. Semua org promote PB kan. Trips lah, monthly income lah, company bagi monthly car allowance and all lah tapi how come no one tells the whole 100% truth? How come no one explains in detail that there is a certain amount of PB you have to sell before you can get all those benefits?
Ye lah khabarkan yang indah-indah je? Yang not so indah? Don’t come to me with all the bullshit saying usaha lah and nothing comes free lah of coz kena keje lah bla bla bla.
Nie I nak tanya, you confident ke beli product skincare dari s.a yang muka mcm kawah bulan?
You beli tak diet milk shakes dari org berat badannya 85kg?
Then again, you beli tak PB dari org badan mcm sarung nangka?
Offended ke? Hahahahahahaha bagus!
