mental block

Friends,

I think I’m having mental block. Currently there are so many things I want to do but too little time or the famous no-funds-available to do so.

I’m working on 2 big projects at the moment but I’m not counting on them making an appearance anytime soon.

*sigh*

I hate working. Full stop. I fucking hate working.

No lah, it’s not that I want to be a fulltime housewife. It’s just that I want the time spent working doing other things like focusing on my projects or spending some quality time with Rafael.

Come to think of it…if I were to spent more time at home, I’ll probably have to look after Rafael most of the time, which then again might leave me no time to work on stuff I want to work on. Hahahaha berbelit kan ayat.

Recently a girl approached me through email and asked me if I would like to work hand-in-hand with her on something she’s been longing to do. At first I was like ‘ermm tak sure lah boleh ke tak coz I don’t really know you and takde masa’… Then fikir and fikir and fikir…I’m still thinking actually.

Entahlah. Everything is just moving too fast for me right now. Just wish I can tell time to stand still and let me breathe some fresh air.

Naddy, keep holding on.

100% uncut

Why do men have the tendency to cheat when their wife is expecting? Kenapa perlu ‘makan luar’ or ‘carik makan di luar’? Kenapa harus?

Hello di sini ingin aku menegaskan bahawa (ayat wajib seorang debater) kaum wanita jugak mempunyai nafsu ketika mengandung. The only difference is, it makes having sex so much harder because of the back pains and perut boyot. So don’t fucking tell me that kaum lelaki perlu melepaskan air tertunggak at least sekali sebulan coz it’s just fucking bullshit.

I’m surround by people whos marriages are burning like a candle. No, bukan lagu Candle In The Wind oleh Sir Elton John ok, berbeza sangat meaning lagu tuh dengan teori bernas aku nie. Have you seen a candle burning? I mean, really look at it and stare at it for hours? I have and honestly it’s quite depressing.

Masa nyala tuh cam best giler je coz it lights up the room and the flame is so big. Then bila ada je angin sket the flame tends to get shaky. Kadang-kadang ada plak angin jahat yang boleh wipe out the flame sekali dengan candle-candle nya lah kalo angin tuh kencang.

Towards the end, the flame starts to get small and smaller and smaller and then it dies.

I’m not gonna sugar coat what I have to say in order to please people. I’m gonna be drop dead honest here and if anyone who reads it suddenly jadik certified judge and nak judge me, go ahead. It’s your choice anyway.

For the past 2 months or so I’ve been listening to stories from many girlfriends of mine who basically menyesal sebab kawen. As for me…it’s very subjective.

Apa positive points being married nie? Entah sometimes I pon tatau.

Like for me personally, being married means extra baggage as I have not only married Nas but apparently I have married his whole family.

*tiring*

I’m tired of being caught in the middle of things and having to make painful decisions.

So, currently 4 of my friends have cheating husbands. One more on the way. Pecah rekod siot. I’ve never encounted a situation where my advice macam applicable to all. Sekali nasihat, dimakan oleh 4+1 orang.

All 4+1 are thinking of getting a divorce. 2 are pregnant, 1 comes from a super kolot family di mana syurga seorang isteri adalah di bawah tapak kaki suami, 2 are housewives yang tidak ada income sendiri and 1 more has a 2 year old child.

Apesal dengan +1 tuh you ask? Simple because she only suspects her husband and has not caught him red handed yet.

Lemme tell you something ya, kuasa Allah tuh jangan diperlekehkan. Kalau Allah nak tunjuk suami you curang, He will lead you the way and show you.

Marriages are not made in heaven. They ARE NOT made in heaven. I wanna fucking kill the smart-ass who said it. Marriages work because people make it work.

What happens when a wife decides to stop making the marriage work? What happens when she has decided enough is enough? What happens when she feels that she has given her all, given her very best, given 101% to the marriage but her husband cheats?

Men who cheat are bullies. Men who cheat are insensitive bastards. I’m only talking about men whos wives are the noble kind ya, bukan jenis isteri yang merewang. Bini merewang bila suami baik, itu masalah kau, bukan masalah aku ok.

When a husband cheats, the first question a wife asks is ‘why?’.

Why? Ada kekurangan ke pada diri saya?

Even a top CEO who manages 600 staff will also ask the same question.

WHY?

Adalah amat lancau jika jawapannya ialah…NTAH.

I’m going to make a very bold statement here as this is based on my personal experience. 80% of men who cheat when their wife is pregnant are Malay men. Heck. lets make it 80% of men who cheat ARE Malay men. Adakah kote lelaki Melayu ada chop ‘kote ini memerlukan lebih dari satu pussy pada satu waktu’? Tak paham sungguh.

Men are capable of making women feel second place. Men are capable of making women question themselves. Always when a husband cheats, the wife tends to question herself ‘am I not good enough?’. No woman, you are good enough. In fact you’re too good for that roaming bastard of a husband of yours. It is he that’s not good enough for you.

Dump the fucker and move on. Easier said than done. Trust me, I know. I’m never gonna condone the fact that having more than 1 wife is acceptable.

Fuck people who use ayat  ‘payung emas menunggu di sana’ nya ayat. Aku bukan nak payung emas di akhirat, aku nak payung emas sekarang, boleh?

So…sue me lah for my statements. Ada sesiapa nak contradict me on this one? Kalau ada sila postkan komen-komen anda ya.

Oh ha…seblom nak tibai I buta-buta…I’m also married to a Malay man.

pendek

Apa yang pendek?

Entry aku pada hari nie.

Sebab apa?

Sebab aku malas nak update dan penat.

Aku dah boleh pakai jeans size 26 aku, all thanks to USANA Nutrimeal and Fibergy. Yippieeeeeeeeeeee!!

On another note…I’m enjoying my life right now. I feel great :p

I feel like I’m a hot mom*…hehehehehe.

Tengah pk nak beli Iphone or Blackberry. Mana lagik best ek?

Sekian, tunggulah update akan datang. Terima kasih.

*ini perasaan pada waktu ini, this very moment. Sok-sok tatau lah kan hahahahahha.

size 26, what??

Ok fine. I have accepted that although I am now back to my pre-pregnancy weight (ehek, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I baru bersalin belum sebulan tapi dah kembali ke berat asal) tetapi tidak dapat pakai jeans I yang size 26 seblom nie.

I hate you flabby stomach and expanded hips!

I kill you! I kill you! Die! Die!

Ya anda dapat lihat betapa emonya diriku sekarang ini. Dah lah seblom nie pon pakai size 26 (orang pikir aku yang keding nie pakai size 24 but nooooooooooooooooooooooooo) nie dah perut gelebeh and pinggul gedabak, aku nak pakai jeans saiz apalahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh??

Fak u betul lah. Tensi tahap asbestos yang teramat.

Ada cara untuk shrink kan ini hips?

Macam impossible kan sebab struktur badan dah lain. Flabby stomach ok lagik sebab ada sit ups and bicycle setempat di rumah.

Hmmmm….

Takkan lagu Shakira tuh betul sangat? Ya mungkin ada kebenaran dalam lagu beliau.

Hips Don’t Lie.

Waaaaaaaaaaakakakakakakakakakakka.

what is tatting?

This fine art of lace making called tatting has been handed down from generations to generations. Starting from my great great great grandma to my great great grandma to my great ok I think you get the point lah kan.

Jadiknya bila my grandma taught me this when I was about 9 or 10 years old, time tuh I rasa macam bosan gila. Tak bestnya nak pegang jarum and benang sebola then gerak-gerak ntah pape menunggu hasilnya amat lama.

So I pon dah sudah belajar dan berjaya membuat 1 alas meja kecik cukup besar nak letak pasu 5 ringgit, I pon campaklah shuttle (gambar di bawah) dan bebola benang.

Fast forward 15 years later, I gie kedai nak beli swarovski then ternampak shuttle. Wahhhhhhhhhhh brought back so many memories. And how I miss my grandma.

I was the last cucu she sempat ajar tatting. If only my grandma was around to see her cicit

Ok next! Next!

I belilah shuttle tuh and one ball of tatting thread. Balik je rumah I put both shuttle and thread on the table in front of me and stared at it for almost 40 minutes sampailah my mom tanya ‘hoi apesal tenung benda tuh tak gerak-gerak mata?’.

Actually puas I pikir ‘dapat ke aku ingat balik nie’. I pick it up and entah cam automatik je tangan nie gerak-gerak.

I ended up making a small coaster. Agak cacat pada permulaan tapi it ended quite nice. If only I could get this damn picture to upload aaaaarrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

Aunty I pon datanglah a few days after that. She works in a bank di mana ramai makcik-makcik and kakcik-kakcik suka alas meja and chair backs and sarung kusyen petak. Terus beliau mengarahkan saya supaya membuat 10 alas meja.

Contoh table cloth and table runner ada di bawah.

(picture courtesy of lauraslace.blogspot.com)

It was sold within 2 days. Malah ada repeat order oleh bos beliau yang mintak 10 lagik untuk diberi kepada sanak-saudara. Of course it takes time bukan boleh siap dalam masa 2-3 hari.

Barulah I paham sangat yang this art of lace making dah hampir pupus. Skang nie semua kilang manufactured. Tak boleh sama ok dengan handmade. I still have a table runner my great grandma made. Although the colour has changed but cantik tetap cantik.

Up to date I have finished 6 sets. 1 set ada 1 alas meja and 6 chair backs.

Skang nie tengah menghabiskan waktu berpantang dengan tatting. Orang-orang tua kata pantang takleh pegang jarum tapikan I degil. I nak jugak. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh takleh lah tak buat pape. Bosan ok.

Lace can be used dalam pelbagai cara kan. Bukan alas meja semata-mata.

Cantik kan lace yang pengantin pakai, especially the head lace.

Boleh ke I bring back the art of lace making nie?

Baby Rafael updates : Baby Rafael is already 2 weeks old. Budak kecik nie dah angkat-angkat kepala and sepak terajang punyalah kuat. I geramlah dengan dia, tak sabar nak tunggu dia besar sket so that I can gomol him sepuas hati.

20.12.2009

Tarikh di atas…sungguh significant. It’s the date that has changed my life forever. No longer just a wife. I’m now a mom.

On 19.12.2009, I gie lah check up mcm biasa. Dr check and said placenta dah matured. Nak induce labour next week. So to be prepared by Monday, the clinic will call and give me a date. He wanted to wait a few more days to check on the baby’s heart beat.

Jadiknya on the same day itself, I still lagik aktif berjalan and bawak kete sini sana. Siap naik tangga turun tangga lagik :p

Tetiba on Sunday morning (20.12.2009), at around 7am, I dah rasa ada contraction sket. Lain macam plak sakit nie. Cepat-cepat I mandi, paksa Nas and my mom siap-siap, nak gie Roopi. My mom dah panik. I plak soh dia chill hehehehe.

Sampai je situ, I terus check in (wah kau ingat hotel???). The nurse starting doing a CTG and the Head Nurse check bukaan. Dah dilated 2cm with irregular contractions. Time nie I rilek je lagik. Dah lepak dalam bilik kan, siap boleh suruh Nas amik lappy and on for me. I sempat wooo chat ngan Penol hahahahaha.

Lama jugak lah nurse tuh asyik buat CTG. Then she suruh rileks sampai doctor sampai.

Thats how on 20.12.2009 at 6.10pm, Syed Rafael Jansen was born…through caesar. Reason being so, his heart beat was not stabil. I dah dialated 2cm and my baby was forcing himself out tapinya tak dapat nak keluar sebab my pelvic bone takmo expand (ini lah padahnya kalau kurus sangat dengan pinggul yang kurang ada isi).

So at 5.30pm my doctor datang and said kena caesar to save the baby. Baby dah under distress. So under his advice I was up for it.

5.40pm I was pushed into the OT. Dr. Ajit yang sangat baik telah mencocok epidural di tulang belakang sambil I membongkok ke depan tanpa memakai baju pape. Iya memang akan jadik camtuh. Time tuh tak kesah bogel terlanjang bulut pun mo man tai janji baby dapat keluar dengan selamat.

I mintak numb separuh je sebab nak tengok my baby masa dia keluar. The put a shield kat dada I so I tak nampak process memotong.

Sharp 6.10pm on the dot my baby was delivered by Dr. Jaswant. The first cry I heard from him, I myself nangis. Dr. Ajit lap-lap air mata I then told me my baby is a darling. Kecik tapi panjang

While the nurse was cleaning my baby, Dr. Jaswant was stitching me up. Oh I baru tau rupanya dah takde aksi-aksi ngeri memotong dengan pisau tajam ek? Derang skang nie guna laser. Apa ntah, I tatau camner process sebenar. Then jahit pon dalam kulit so dah bila dah sembuh, takde parut. Hebat ek teknologi skang nie.

Ok so back to the baby.

Rafael weighed 2.310kg and lenght dia 50cm. Alhamdulillah yang selama nie I risaukan tak terjadik pon. Remember how worried I was if he had to be put in the incubator? Takyah pon. Dr kata baby sehat.

Wednesday, both mama and baby was discharged. Now my life has made a 360 degree spin.

Mama’s handsome boy 

help needed, please be kind~

Peeps, saya adalah sangat memerlukan bantuan anda. Jadik sesiapa yang singgah di blog nie tolonglah ya tinggalkan komen. Mak tak kesah ko nak guna anonymous ke anonymouse pon takpe, janji ada feedback.

Wahhhhhhhhhhh apesal ek cam serious je ya? Tak, tak, bukan apa pon…just need some info.

How much are you willing to pay for something like this? (tak kesah lah if you minat atau tak benda camnie)

Itu adalah batu-batu swarovski tulen di mana sebijik adalah semahal sebelah mata cicak. Hahahahaha ntah tatau apa kaitannya :p

So please leave me feedbacks. Akan aku doakan korang murah rezeki dan panjang umur, amin~

belum lagi lah

Lama kan I senyap je….hehehe jangan risau, I belum bersalin lagik lah although rasa macam nak je jerit-jerit suruh budak kecik nie keluar.

Ye, badan I masih keding walaupon sudah mengandung 36 minggu. Apesal ntah. Dah memang camnie kot.

On a more serious note, my grandpa passed away last week thus making me drop everything I’m currently working on and attend to the funeral etc.

Hari nie plak baru dapat berita my mom’s best friend meninggal.

*sigh* I just think there’s too many deaths this year.

Jangan risau ya kengkawan, bersalin je harus I update di sini. Please doakan semua smooth sailing. According to the doctor my baby small…kalau tak cukup 2.5kg, kena masuk incubator. Setakat nie baby I 2.1kg je. Come on baby!! Another 400 grams je, COME ON YOU CAN DO IT!!

I shall be back with my small project I’ve been working on.

Oh p/s : Have you checked out http://www.5577studio.com? Farah is sooooooooooooo easy to work with!!

cut the credit

Between both Nas and I, we have had about 14 credit cards from various banks. Every single one of them had credit balance on them. And every month we were paying more than the minimum. How did we end up being the people we swore we would never be?

Circumstances lah.

Disebabkan Nas keje jauh gila, every month he had to come home at least once, sometimes twice. Semua tiket yg dibeli, was through credit cards. Then there was the auto debit of misc stuff. Insurance for example. Then there was petrol.

Then there was the occasional shopping spree. Walaupon susah untuk mengaku tapi I kena gak mengaku that I spent more than what I earned. Dah kata akan control, nak control bla bla bla tapi hakikatnya masa swipe tuh mmg tak sedar pun. End of the month tgk statement then mcm nyesal je.

Byk gila barang yg dibeli mcm kalo pk-pk balik, bukan diperlukan sgt pon. Come on 2 blushers in a month? Siapakah je pakai 2 blusher sebulan? Adakan kau pelakon opera? Bukannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn so tak payahlah asyik nak beli season nie punya eye shadow, season baru nya lipstick. Season je pon…

So last week the both of us sat down and settled 12 out of 14 cards. We then decided to potong semua 12 kad itu.Tinggal lah 2 je. 1 utk kecemasan and most importantly utk digunakan masa bersalin nanti. The other 1 for me to use coz I  bila keluar tak suka bawak cash more than RM100 at one time. Pernah kena ragut sekali, cukoplah taubat.

I’m really glad that Nas enrolled me in Usana. Nampaklah hasilnya. Paling best, I’m healthy because of the supplement and on top of that I dpt bonus gak.

I’m all smiles…for now hahahahahaha. Another 3 more months to go and sangatlah berdebar-debar.

p/s : I’m still not happy with my blog layout…